last day of school before winter break. (december 2008)

+ do you remember?: do you remember when this blog was completely political? i would comment on myself occassionally, but my focus was on raising awareness about african politics and domestic movements. i have not abandon such an effort, however, i have realized that in years of focusing on that which is external to me, i have neglected reflecting on my internal interworkings. i would apologize, but i am not really apologetic. the personal is political. and the political is here if you listen closely enough.

+ flying/movement/nomad: there are days i do not know what to do with myself and i feel completely overwhelmed by the imaginings of what could be and that which just is. i often feel trapped between desire and expectations...somehow wedged between what i ought to do and what i want to do. moreso, i feel trapped by geography and seemingly artificial spaces. currently, california is not working for me--it does not massage my spirit, nor does it peak my curiosity. i know i am a nomad at heart and at the slightest hint of boredom or sullen disposition, i make a move. i am only 23, but in the past 6 years i have lived in claremont CA, palo alto CA, sacramento CA, washington D.C., capetown ZA, and johannesburg ZA. throughout it all i have managed to live a 'normal' life of undergraduate, post-bacc, and graduate school studies. this means that at best i have addressed my desire to explore in a fragmented and episodic manner. this has staved off my appetite for exploration and movement until those random sunday mornings when i realize that something is missing and it is a something i cannot buy or conjure up through wishful thinking. and i assume that is the hardest part...in a society where we are taught we can buy what we need, it becomes difficult to internalize the reality that what we need most is neither purchasable or easily accessible. but, therein lies the beauty...to know that what you need is not an item on a store shelf means we must always search. searching builds our spirit and nurtures our relationship with our creator.

+ my five loves: right now, my five loves are photography, teaching, traveling, writing, and spiritualities. i want to throw myself into all five in the most harmonious and organic way. i want all of these loves to marry one another to birth the most beautiful child who will remained unnamed but deeply treasured. with the economy in the toilet i feel that i cannot take the risks i want to take to make this happen. then, i must remember that before i rely on any government safety net, i need to praise the safety net that Allah(swt) provides. risks are needed for collective and personal change. my life is so compartmentalized that i pursue all such loves in fragmented and unconnected ways. at the root of all these loves is the process of creating and reflecting on creation. all the loves are about searching and learning. search&learn. then repeat until you are taken from this dunya.

+ body&spirit: december 31st-january 1st i am taking a spiritual retreat of sorts. for these two days i will not be reachable because i need these days to reflect without interruptions. honestly, i am not sure how this will work out nor do i know where i will do all of this. my apartment is not a good space for reflection and i cannot camp out in a park.

+ 'i picks my friends like i pick my fruit.' (badu)/'seek those who fan your flames' (rumi): who are my friends? who are the people who really nurture my spirit? who are those that fan my flames? who are those that challenge me? who are those who make me think in the deepest ways? i said i retired the use of the term 'friends' because it is incomplete and not reflective of what i'd like to see manifested. i like the phrase 'kindred spirits' because any relationship should be built on some common spirit (no religion) and connection to this earth.