i only have 10 weeks left here in joburg. i have mosquito bites all over my legs. i am working on my ambiguous relationships with men. i have been tv binging on episodes of LOST--overpriced episodes bought from itunes. i miss tv, crappy american tv, just as much as i miss cheap mexican food, impromptu police visits, thrift stores, ziplock bags and backing soda (not soda bi-carbonate!). i am looking forward to furniture shopping and cooking for my dad back home. i am looking forward to a new stage in life--graduate school, overpriced books, native informant moments and segments of clarity interrupted by the reality of non-linear temporality and shifting positionalities. speaking of graduate school, i think this woman is amazing. she is the SHE that black girls need to know exists--the kind of woman many want to pretend does not exist. again, amazing.

i've been told by a few people that i've lost weight. it would be great if i agreed with this assessment. i bought these coffee&chocolate donuts from woolworths which i am packing up and giving away to someone else. there is a point where you realize that, yes...i do have distorted body image--a condition i think far to many women are held hostage by. but, i am working on it. i am learning how to take compliments instead of accusing people of being patronizing or delusional.

i am going to miss joburg people dearly, especially my art folks. one of my teachers told me that i hold back in my work (until recently), another art folk told me that i have no confidence in my work. both true. i am sorry. i am working towards unfettered expression and greater confidence. i took paper home to practice. i am sure i will cry when i leave. i usually don't like/enjoy people enough to make me cry when i depart. i am already plotting to buy a ticket back to joburg. if i could, i'd live here--newtown, maybe...even soweto if i could have internet access and an escort for the horrible taxis. but home calls me--well home, and a soon to be expired visa/treaty permit. i need to go to durban. i am going to orange farm this friday with nkululeko. i am going to soweto this saturday with international house. hopefully, priya and i will go to gold reef city. i want to go to zoo lake soon. i need to book a ticket to cape town--i need a spiritual retreat. i wanted to travel to other provinces, but maybe next time. i can say that these past 6-7 months have been my happiest and most fulfilling. i felt more 'at home' here than in any place i've lived. DC is a close second. i have become so independent and self-assured (in some aspects) here. people you started off being homies with aren't homies anymore, but you kind of realize that that is how it was supposed to work so that others could waltz into your life, or so that you'd have the opportunity to self-reflect. i got this bjork cd from molefe today. i hope its good.

the situation in zimbabwe makes me very sad and cynical. i hope our days of solidarity and resistance in joburg work out well. and by work out, i mean people show up, people are informed and people (of the diaspora, esp.) divorce themselves from the assumption that a hard critique of mugabe is somehow treasonous to black solidarity of some faint articulations of pan-africanism. love your people enough to fix the ugly. let's not pimp black solidarity until its so crippled that it's meaningless. i love black folks, but mugabe is a demagogue, zimbabwe is a dystopia and my patience is quickly fading. i need to start doing the media/campaign work soon to get the word out. human rights day is on the 21st! if you are in joburg--@ 9am assemble at the library gardens and march to constitutional hill! email me for more information. it's going to be awesome (yep, i said awe-some)--if you are not there then i'll post photos for you.